I Caught Fire (but i didn't want to)
by Prussian Blue Love
Summary: Newt/Hermann. Hermann's romantic life could probably be best summed up by #demiseuxalproblems. (M really only for discussion of sexual attraction and orientations)


Hermann wakes up tangled around Newt and realizes, with an icy pit growing in his stomach, that he's attracted to him. Which would normally be a good thing in your average adult relationship, but he and Newt were both somewhere firmly on the asexual spectrum and sexual attraction was not supposed to be a factor in their relationship.

He gently detaches himself from the still sleeping biologist, lingering for a moment to watch him sleep before making his way to the bathroom to shower. He takes stock of his feelings while under the hot spray, hoping that he might be mistaken about them; he's been sexually attracted to someone one other time in his life so he knows what to look for. Unfortunately, upon reflection, the signs point to his brain deciding that having sex with Newt would probably be the best thing since closing the Breach.

Resting his head on the tile of the shower, he lets out a frustrated huff. He's known Newt for over ten years, been romantically interested for at least half that time, actually dating the other man for a few months and not once prior to now had there been any hint of attraction like this. He _likes_ having a non-sexual relationship with Newt and he doesn't want to mess it up with these irritating sexual feelings. Suddenly angry with everything, Hermann wrenches the water off and almost rips the shower curtain of its hooks.

Newt is nowhere to be found when Hermann enters their bedroom, but he can hear some slight banging from the kitchen and smell breakfast being made. He dresses quickly and, grabbing his cane from its spot by the bedroom door, makes his way to the kitchen.

"We got some letters requesting us for some talks and conferences and stuff." Newt starts as soon as he hears the subtle sound of Hermann walking down the hall. "There's a good number of them that are set next year and I think we could do those ones; Hansen can't keep me tucked away forever after all. I mean it was one teeny little sensory overload, it's not like I haven't gotten those before or anything. 'S not my fault it happened at some stupid press conference."

He's busy at the stove flipping pancakes as Hermann walks in. A glance at the table reveals a mess of opened letters. He can see the seals of the universities and colleges they came from stamped on them.

"Personally I think we should go to whatever it is Notre Dame wants us for. I mean, South Bend itself doesn't have much, so that'd be kind of boring, but it's about the same time as the Pierogi Fest in Whiting. We could take the train up or something and do that when we're not busy with science!" Newt turns from the stove to place a plate of food on the table. "Plus! Chicago isn't far and, Hermann, you need to see Chicago, it's pretty awesome and I need to get a picture of you with the Bean. I _need_ to. And…Hermann? You ok?"

Newt stops his rambling to look over at his boyfriend, concerned. Through the connection of their minds that was left behind from their Drift, he could feel an uncomfortable swirl of thoughts that was uncommon for Hermann's usually organized mind.

"I'm fine." Hermann snaps, sitting down roughly at the table.

"Hey, don't even try that bullshit with me; I'm kinda in your head." Newt shoot back, tapping his temple with his fingers. "The hell is wrong? You were fine last night and there's no way I annoyed you that much just now."

Hermann scowls. "It's…personal."

"Too personal to talk about with me?" He shuts off the burner and turns around fully, leaning against the stove. "Look, I know we both really suck with the whole talking about feelings thing, but you know I'm here if you need someone to listen."

"I know. This is just…something I'm not comfortable with myself yet and I don't know if talking about it at the moment will help."

Newt nods. A few moments of silence stretched between them before he blurts out, "Is this about the sex dream you had last night?"

Hermann spins around so fast he's surprised he didn't give himself whiplash. "I had no such thing!"

"No, look, it's ok." He flutters his hands in an attempt to physically stave off any blow up from Hermann. "I mean, yeah, it's kind of weird coming from you, but it's not like people haven't looked at or thought of me that way. I don't want to say I'm used to it or that I'm entirely comfortable with it, but it really is ok. You can't help how you feel."

"I know that. That doesn't mean I don't wish I could." The mathematician says as he mentally curses the fact that their connection allows them to share dreams. He had almost forgotten the dream, trying his best to shove it into a corner of his mind never to be thought of again. "These feelings are inconvenient for me and make you uncomfortable. That isn't ok. I knew I shouldn't have gotten involved with someone again." He grumbles under his breath.

Newt unfortunately hears that last part and stomps over to jab his finger in Hermann's face. "Dude, no. Just. No. We are not gonna go down that road. You told me straight up that this might happen and I told you I was ok with it and I meant it. Am I uncomfortable with that sort of attention? Yeah, a little, but that really has more to do with the fact that I dated a lot of assholes before you. People who most definitely did not understand and were definitely not you. I know you're not going to try to get me to do anything I don't want to and I really hope you know that I'm willing to help you out if you really need it." He drops his hand to Hermann's shoulder, rubbing it affectionately. "This isn't a deal breaker, ok?"

Hermann breaths heavily through his nose, his mouth a tight line. "And your sex-repulsion? You made it quite clear in the beginning that you find anything sexual to be, what was it you said? 'Hella disgusting'. We're in each other's minds. You're going to see my thoughts and my dreams just like last night. It's going to get too much for you eventually, I know it."

Newt lets out a strangled noise and throws his hands up in the air. He sits in the chair next to Hermann, rubbing his face with his hands. "You are so stubborn, oh my god. Look, I'll admit it's probably going to be awkward for a bit while we adjust to this, but we will adjust and things will be ok. Remember how I said we suck at the feelings thing? This could be good to get us talking about that stuff more! Ok?"

Hermann sits back and looks at Newt with narrowed eyes. He wants this to work as much as Newt does but he feels the memories of the last time his sexuality caused problems pricking at the back of his skull and he knows Newt feels them too.

"I'm not the person who hurt you last time, Hermann." Newt says softly.

"I know. I just…" He sighs. "You have to swear that you will tell me when you become uncomfortable with something. Verbally. No relying on the Drift. We need completely open communication." He says fiercely. "Which, as you said, is something we have a problem with, but we need to try."

"That's all I'm asking for." Newt smiles. "Now, can we eat? I got up at five am to make all these damn pancakes."

"You did no such thing and I can't believe you just quoted a thirteen year old internet joke." Hermann rolls his eyes as he takes a few pancakes from the plate between them.

"Whatever, made me laugh." He gets up to grab the syrup and butter out of the refrigerator and sets them in front of Hermann. He plants a kiss in Hermann's hair as he leans over him. "We're gonna make this work, you nerd."

"I know. Nerd."

* * *

AN: Highly self-indulgent asexual!Newt and demisexual!Hermann I'm very sorry. Also, I heavily headcanon Newt as having synesthesia and sometimes that can lead to some pretty annoying sensory overloads, lemme tell you what.


End file.
